Balancing Motherhood and Career: Lessons from a Civil Engineer Mom

 

Hey, lovely soul! 🌸

Welcome to my first post on The In-Betweens! I thought there’d be no better way to kick things off than by diving into something that’s at the very heart of my life—balancing motherhood and career. If you’re anything like me, you know this balancing act feels more like a daily juggling show, with no shortage of dropped balls. But somehow, we keep it all in the air, right?

For those of you meeting me for the first time, I’m Tshenolo—a mom to two little ones, a wife, and a civil engineer. Though I haven’t worked in the field since August 2022, I’ve transitioned to part-time lecturing, which means I spend most of my days at home. This shift came from a strong urge to be more available for my family while still staying connected to my passion for teaching and engineering.

Between managing toddler tantrums, lecturing, and trying to sneak in some creativity through podcasting and video creation, I’ve learned a few things about how to keep my sanity intact while navigating this new chapter of life.

1. Embrace the Chaos

Let’s be real—there’s no such thing as “perfect balance.” I spent so much time trying to achieve the ideal balance between work and home life, only to realize it’s all about managing the chaos, not eliminating it. Some days, I’m killing it at work and feel like a superhero; other days, my toddler is wearing his breakfast, and I’m late to a meeting and our pantry needs to be restocked. And that’s okay.

The key? Be gentle with yourself. It’s okay if not everything gets done on time or perfectly. Embrace the mess—it’s part of the journey.

2. Set Boundaries (And Stick to Them!)

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that if you don’t set boundaries, work will creep into every aspect of your life. As a civil engineer and lecturer, it’s easy for work to spill into home life, but saying “no” or setting limits has been crucial for my sanity—and my family’s happiness.

Now, I make sure to stop working once my kids are home and focus on being present with them. Sure, I don’t always get it right, but sticking to those boundaries has made a world of difference.

3. Find Your Support System

Here’s the truth: You cannot do it all alone. It took me a while to realize that asking for help doesn’t mean I’m failing. Whether it’s my husband stepping in for bedtime duty (read wrestle matches for the boys), my inner circle helping out, or even trusted colleagues covering for me when I need it most, I’ve come to value my support system more than ever.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We all need someone in our corner.

4. Prioritize Self-Care (Even If It’s Just 5 Minutes)

It sounds cliché, but trust me when I say, if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not going to be able to give your best to your family or your work. Or to anything for that matter. Whatever you're sacrificing yourself for will suffer more because you're not showing up as your best self. I used to think self-care meant hours of spa time or yoga retreats, but as a mom of two, I’ve learned to squeeze in self-care where I can—whether it’s a quick podcast recording (my creative outlet!), 5 minutes of quiet with my coffee, or a late-night Netflix binge after the kids are asleep.

It’s those little moments that keep me grounded.

5. It’s Okay to Dream Big

One of the biggest fears I had when stepping back from fieldwork was that I’d have to let go of my career dreams. 'Did I study all those years and performed well --- just to be a typical stay at home mom and housewife?' But I’m here to tell you that you can do both! Yes, it’s a lot, and yes, some days feel impossible—but every little step forward counts. Being a mom has made me even more determined to pursue my career in civil engineering, teaching, and creating, because I want my kids to see that it’s okay to go after big dreams, even when life is busy.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, balancing motherhood and career is never perfect, but it’s possible. It’s about embracing the in-betweens, being kind to ourselves, and knowing that no matter how crazy life gets, we’re doing our best—and that’s enough.

I’d love to hear from you! How do you balance the different roles in your life? Drop a comment below, and let’s chat about this beautiful chaos we call life. 🩷

With love,

Your new mom-friend from The In-Betweens 🌿