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Love Language in Marriage: Keeping Connection Alive During Busy Seasons

If you had asked me a month ago what my love language was, I would have said something romantic like quality time or words of affirmation. Fast forward to this week—where I resumed work, started my postgrad classes, and began in-person lessons with my students while also keeping two tiny humans alive—and I can confidently say my love language is now acts of service. Specifically, acts like "letting me nap for 20 minutes without interruption" or "bringing home food I didn’t have to cook."

Oh, and did I mention that my husband started working out of town? So while I’m navigating my new academic, professional, and parenting marathon, he leaves early in the morning and returns late in the evening, adding another layer of chaos to our already action-packed lives.

The Love Language Shift

They say love languages can change over time, and I can confirm this is true. What used to be spontaneous jols and love notes has now evolved into, “Did you remember to buy more nappies?” and “I left you the last slice of caramel cake.” (Which, by the way, is the highest form of love in my books.)

With our schedules completely mismatched, we’ve had to get creative about staying connected. There are no long, romantic walks happening over here—unless you count pacing the house at 4 AM with an excited baby who's genuinely ecstatic to see the world again. No deep, meaningful conversations—unless you count half-asleep mumbles about our oldest son's latest achievements. And yet, somehow, we are making it work.

Finding Love in the Little Things

Keeping a marriage alive during busy seasons means redefining intimacy. It’s not just about big, sweeping gestures. Sometimes, a connection is found in the smallest of things:

  • Text messages that say more than just ‘buy bread’ – A quick "thinking of you" or "hope your class went well" in between meetings can go a long way.
  • Making each other’s lives easier – Him washing the bottles at night while I prep the baby bag for the next day? That’s romance.
  • Late-night recaps – Some days, our only face-to-face conversation happens when we’re both half-asleep, but even a five-minute check-in makes all the difference.
  • Shared laughter – Whether it’s sending each other funny memes or making jokes about our mutual exhaustion, humor keeps us sane.

When Your Love Tank Feels Empty

Despite our best efforts, some days feel like we’re two ships passing in the night. The exhaustion is real, and the demands are endless. But rather than waiting for a "perfect time" to reconnect (because spoiler alert: it’s not coming anytime soon), we’re learning to embrace the imperfect moments.

A quick forehead kiss before he rushes out the door. Holding hands for two seconds before the baby cries. Watching 15 minutes of a series together before one of us falls asleep. These are the moments keeping us tethered in a season that threatens to pull us apart.

Love Looks Different in Every Season

In the honeymoon phase, love is grand gestures and long conversations. In the parenting-and-building-careers phase, love is showing up—even when you’re exhausted, even when schedules don’t align, even when you don’t have the energy to be poetic about it.

And maybe, just maybe, the biggest love language in this season is simply choosing to keep trying.

So, to all the tired couples out there, navigating jobs, kids, studies, and never-ending responsibilities—you're not alone. Your love may not look like a rom-com right now, but in its own messy, sleep-deprived way, it’s just as beautiful.

What’s your love language in this season of life? Let’s talk in the comments—I’ll be there, somewhere between writing assignments and chasing my toddler.

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