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I'm Not Okay

It’s Thursday morning. I’m not entirely sure where the week went, maybe it slipped through the cracks between dirty bottles, school drop-offs, and the constant negotiation of a toddler’s wardrobe choices.

What I do know is that I woke up early today. I did my bit. I tried.
I had a calm, quiet morning routine before the house slowly woke up. I breathed. I set intentions for the day. I thought maybe, just maybe, today would feel good.

But somewhere between Asante screaming that he didn’t want the red fluffy jacket HE picked out, and my little one refusing to be put down while I was still in my pajamas with 7 minutes to get out of the house… something in me cracked.

It wasn’t loud.
It was soft. Subtle. A slow leak.
Like the air quietly leaving a balloon you didn’t realize had a hole in it.

I Feel Drained. Sad. A Little Lost.

There’s an emptiness sitting heavy in my chest today. The kind of sadness that doesn’t have a dramatic backstory—it just is.
And on top of that, there’s this quiet panic whispering,
“Here we go again.”

My workplace is in chaos.
Again.

Contracts are late.
Again.

We are suddenly in limbo. 

Again.

Do you know how disorienting it is to plan your life around something that keeps crumbling under your feet?

The Fear is Loud Today

The fear of unemployment is creeping in again.

The fear of returning to lack.
Of not being able to cover what needs to be covered.
Of watching my hard-earned progress dissolve into another “we’ll let you know.”

I’m scared. And angry. And deeply discouraged.

And as a postgrad student? This also means my own classes will start late. The same classes I need to finish strongly. The same academic path I’m pouring everything into in the hopes of that shiny dream. I can feel the timeline slipping and the pressure mounting. I hate this for me.

This is Not a Motivational Post

I’m not here to find the silver lining today.
I’m not in the mood for “this too shall pass” or “everything happens for a reason.”
I’m just here. Raw. Tired. Honest.

Because The In-Betweens was never about perfection. It was about showing up anyway.
And this?
This is me, showing up in the mess. In the real. In the "I almost didn’t write this because I didn’t want to sound dramatic.”

But the truth is… I’m not okay today.
And maybe someone else reading this isn’t either.

So let this post be what it needs to be:
A mirror. A sigh. A sacred little space where it’s okay to not be okay.

If You’re in the Thick of It Too…

I see you.
If your spirit feels heavy.
If your joy feels flat.
If the things you were counting on are now question marks…

You’re not alone.

Today might not hold answers.
But we can still name the ache.
And we can still breathe through it.

One breath.
One small act of care.
One deeply human moment at a time.

With love,
Nolo❤

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