It’s 4:40 AM on a Tuesday, and while the rest of my house is deep in dreamland, I’m wide awake. Not because of a crying baby this time, but because my brain has decided this is the perfect hour to start firing off ideas like a popcorn machine. New projects, dreams for the year ahead, and, oh yes, the looming ambition of returning to my postgraduate studies. It’s all swirling around, demanding attention like my toddler during snack time.
I swear, I could have invented something great if only my brain had decided to organize itself into a neat list instead of throwing all the ideas at me at once. But no. I’m wide awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking, How am I going to pull all of this off and still keep my sanity?
If you’re a mom in a season of transition, anticipation, or change, you might know this feeling too. That mix of excitement and fear. Like standing at the edge of a high dive: you know the plunge will be worth it, but there’s that little voice whispering, What if I belly flop?
So, let’s talk about this season of change, Mama. About what it means to dream big while navigating motherhood, about mom brain and its pesky habit of making you forget where you put your keys (or your coffee, or yourself really), and about how we can chase transformation without losing ourselves in the process.
When Dreams Wake You at 4:40 AM
Let’s get one thing straight: if you’re losing sleep over dreams and ideas instead of spilled milk and baby cries, you’re already winning a little. Anticipation for the new year, for the possibility of “what’s next,” is a beautiful thing. It’s proof that, somewhere beneath the layers of sticky hands and sleepless nights, your spark is alive and well.
But the challenge? Balancing that spark with the reality of life as a mom. A new, sleep-deprived mom. Because let’s be honest, finding time to write a proposal, plan a project, or even make a vision board feels like solving a Rubik’s cube while a toddler screams for Cocomelon in the background. It’s like, the moment you finally sit down with a cup of coffee to think, that’s when the universe decides it’s “the best time” for your baby to have a blowout. On those newly washed sheets. Thanks baby!
I mean, how do we actually expect to accomplish all these goals when the simplest of tasks—like getting through the day without your 4-year-old losing his mind over whether the sandwich is cut into triangles or rectangles—becomes a monumental achievement?
But here’s the truth: You’re making it work, even when it doesn’t look like you are. Those little moments, the ones that make you feel like you’re treading water? They count. They add up. And one day, when you’re knee-deep in a new project or milestone, you’ll realize it was all worth it.
The Fear of What Ifs
And then there’s the fear. The What if I fail? What if I’m not ready? What if mom brain derails me halfway through my dreams? If you’re anything like me, these worries might keep you up at night. But here’s the thing: fear is normal. It’s not a sign you’re unprepared; it’s a sign that you’re about to grow.
When we become moms, the world suddenly gets so much bigger and yet also smaller at the same time. You’re a superhero, but you also lose track of where you put your phone more than you’d like to admit. The truth is, we rarely feel fully ready for big changes. Not when we become moms, not when we take on new challenges, and certainly not when we decide to add “postgrad student” to the list of roles we’re already juggling. But readiness isn’t a requirement. Willingness is.
In fact, let me tell you something: you’re probably never going to feel like you’re “ready” for the big dreams, the next step, the change. But you know what? Sometimes it’s okay to jump in and figure it out as you go. The magic happens when you trust that you’ll figure it out—even on the days when it feels like a hot mess.
Giving Yourself Permission to Change
As moms, we’re great at giving permission—to our kids, our partners, everyone but ourselves. But what if you gave yourself permission? Permission to dream. Permission to try. Permission to get it wrong, learn, and try again.
Your journey back to yourself doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Some days, you’ll feel like Wonder Woman, conquering deadlines and tantrums with equal grace. Other days, you’ll feel like a mess, unsure how you’re going to make it work. Both days count. Both days matter.
It’s easy to get lost in the hustle of being a mom—the diapers, the tantrums, the endless cycle of laundry. But somewhere underneath all of that, there’s you. The you who was once full of dreams, ambition, and a sense of self that was independent and free. That person is still there, and she deserves a seat at the table.
And you know what? It’s okay if the journey back to her is slow, messy, or imperfect. You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. You just need to keep showing up—one small step at a time.
A Note for the Mom in Anticipation
To the mom standing on the edge of change: I see you. I see your excitement and your worry, your passion and your exhaustion. I know how hard it is to imagine yourself as more than just a mom when motherhood takes up so much of you. I see the way you’re balancing the needs of everyone around you while still daring to hope for yourself. I know how hard it is to hold space for your dreams when motherhood takes up so much room.
But you can do this. Not all at once, not perfectly, but bit by bit. Give yourself permission to dream, to try, to fail, and to try again. Your ambition doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you human.
And if you’re worried about losing yourself along the way, let me remind you: you’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience. You’re starting as the woman who has already done hard things, who has already proven her resilience, and who is more capable than she knows.
A Quiet Moment Before the Day Begins
As the sun starts to rise and my coffee grows cold, I’m reminded that these quiet moments are a gift. A chance to reflect, to dream, and to remind myself that I am more than just the sum of my to-do list.
So here’s to the moms who are awake at 4:40 AM, whether you’re nursing a baby, brainstorming your next big move, or just enjoying a rare moment of peace. Here’s to the year coming to an end and the next one ahead and all the beautiful chaos it will bring. And here’s to you—for showing up, for dreaming big, and for believing that change is possible.
But here’s the secret: you’re not just a mom. You’re a dreamer, a doer, a woman with ambitions that deserve to see the light of day. Whether your “next” is a new project, a career move, or simply finding your way back to the version of you who feels most alive, know this: you can do this. Not all at once, not perfectly, but piece by piece, moment by moment.
And hey, if you’re up at 4:40 AM thinking about it, that’s a pretty good sign you’re ready to start.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to grab a second cup of coffee before the day starts. (Because if this spark doesn’t fuel me, the caffeine will.)
With you every step of the way,
Your cheerleader mom-friend 💕
The only affirmation I needed, thank you mommy.
ReplyDelete
DeleteHere for it mama! :)