Reflections from a Mom

 

Part 1: Letting Go to Lean In

This time last year, I was a version of myself that feels foreign now. I was juggling so many roles, wearing multiple hats—lecturer, civil engineer, mother, wife—and feeling like none of them fit quite right. By January 2024, I found myself at a breaking point. The job that had once felt like an accomplishment had turned toxic, draining me in ways I didn't fully understand until I walked away.

Resigning was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. It wasn’t just about leaving a paycheck behind; it was about leaving behind the identity I thought I had to cling to. The one that told me I could "have it all" if I just worked hard enough. All those sleepless nights back in uni had to count for something...I had to have something to show for it. A flashy car personalized to my liking? A fat bank account? Online shopping till I dropped? Anything really. But in trying to have it all, I was losing the parts of myself that mattered most—my peace, my patience, and my presence with my child and husband. The plot twist was discovering I was expecting our second baby just 2 weeks after sending that dreadful email. "Should I laugh or cry?" was constantly on my mind.

Motherhood, especially with a newborn and a toddler, has a way of stripping away pretenses. There’s no room for ego when you’re soothing a crying baby at 2 AM or explaining for the tenth time why vegetables are non-negotiable at dinner. It forces you to confront what truly matters, and for me, that was my family and my mental well-being. Walking away from that job wasn’t just about removing myself from a toxic environment; it was about stepping fully into the life I wanted to create.

But here’s the thing no one tells you: even when you know it’s the right decision, it’s still hard. Settling into my role as a stay-at-home mom and focusing on just one part-time job instead of multitasking felt…strange. I’d spent years defining myself by how much I could do, how busy I could be. Slowing down felt like failure at first. It felt like I was letting people down—myself included.

It took months to retrain my mind. To see the beauty in the stillness, the value in being fully present. To understand that being "just a mom" (a phrase I’ve come to hate) is anything but "just."

Part 2: Becoming the Wife I Want to Be

This year also marked a deeper shift in my marriage. Growing up in a women-headed household, I never saw marriage modeled, and I underestimated the mental and emotional work it takes to truly build a life with someone. For years, my husband and I were partners in the logistical sense—raising a child, paying bills, keeping the wheels turning. But I realized I wasn’t leaning into being a wife. I was showing up physically, but mentally? I was often miles away, ticking off to-do lists or mentally prepping for the next day.

When I stepped away from that toxic job, it felt like the first time I could breathe—and really see my husband. We began talking about dreams again, about who we want to be as individuals and as partners. I’m learning that being a wife isn’t just about what you do; it’s about the energy you bring into the relationship. I want to bring warmth, intentionality, and laughter. I want to be a safe space for him, the same way he’s been for me so many times.

And yet, I’m still figuring it out. The mental shift has been slow and imperfect. There are days I feel guilty for not contributing financially the way I used to. Days I second-guess my decision to focus inward instead of outward. But there are also days—more and more of them—when I feel a quiet sense of rightness. A sense that I’m building a foundation, not just for my family, but for myself.

Looking Ahead

As 2025 approaches, I feel a spark of excitement I haven’t felt in years. There’s so much I want to do: grow MomUnity into a thriving community, continue exploring my passions for podcasting and writing, and maybe even take steps toward my long-term dream of pursuing a master’s degree in civil engineering. But I’m also reminding myself to pace it out. To honor the season I’m in without rushing to the next.

This past year has taught me the value of intentionality. Of letting go of the noise to lean into what truly matters. I’d love to hear about your journey, too. What have you let go of this year? What are you leaning into? Let’s step into the new year with open hearts, ready to embrace what comes next—together.

Loads of love from across the net,

Just a Mom rooting for you always✌